Without You I'm Paralyzed
by JimberlyShipper
Summary: How can Kurt go on when Blaine is taken from him unexpectedly? Canon character death, you have been warned.


_**Disclaimer: So the characters of glee are not mine. Neither is the song **__Without You__**. I got the idea for this fic after I saw the awesome video by FatedCinderella84 on youtube. That made me want to write this fic. This includes canon character death and a sad Kurt. Oh poor sad Kurt. **_

Without You I'm Paralyzed

By Julia

His heart stopped working completely when the car came out of nowhere and _hit_ Blaine. His love, his everything, his whole world. Blaine was lying there on the pavement, and Kurt was fumbling with his phone, dialing 911. He could not do this, he was not prepared for this. Kurt loved Blaine so much. He was sobbing and telling Blaine to hold on, as he was telling the EMTs what had happened. Then he was riding with them to the hospital, unable to breathe. Blaine was barely hanging on. He wasn't sure what to do. He sat in the waiting room, and called his parents, to ask them to come and be with him.

_I can't win, I can't reign_

_I will never win this game _

_without you, without you_

_I am lost I am vain _

_I will never be the same _

_without you, without you_

Kurt sat and waited until they told him he could go and see Blaine. Burt and Carole were there by then. They were going to let him go see Blaine alone before they went in. Kurt could not bear to see Blaine lying there. He pulled a chair up next to the bed. He wanted to rewind the time and fix this. He didn't want to be without Blaine.

His boyfriend was lying on the bed, looking so small and frail. He took Blaine's hand. "Please, baby, you have to wake up. I can't do this without you. Please." He said, squeezing Blaine's hand tight and not getting a squeeze in return. "Oh, Blaine, please. I don't believe in God but I do believe in you and I." Tears had filled his eyes and were spilling down his face. "I never got to tell you, Blaine!" The monitors were going off, and then Blaine was flatlining. They made Kurt leave the room, and they were all yelling Code Blue! Kurt waited outside Blaine's room, scared.

_I won't run, I won't fly_

_I will never make it by _

_without you, without you_

_I can't rest, I can't fight_

_all I need is you and I_

_without you_

A doctor came out to tell Kurt that Blaine was gone. His parents still had not been reached. Finn and Rachel were there too, and he turned to bury his face in Finn's broad shoulder. He hated this, it didn't even feel real. He felt like he was floating above his body, watching it all from above. He held on to Finn tightly, and then just dropped to the floor. Finn dropped down with him, and so did Rachel. They both looked helpless.

For the next couple of days, Kurt didn't leave his room. It was almost time for the viewing. It was in a day or so. He had managed to talk his parents into letting him stay home from school. He just couldn't go without Blaine. He knew he was going to have to, but he didn't want to. He wanted it to be four days ago before the accident so he could stop it from happening. He cried into his pillow. How was he supposed to go on without Blaine? He thought back to his first kiss with Blaine.

_"Kurt, there's a moment, when you say to yourself, oh, there you are. I've been looking for you forever." _

As those words echoed in his head, Kurt didn't know how to go on without Blaine. He'd already lost his mom, and then his dad nearly died last year... How much more was he going to have to take? He turned on his Ipod, flipping to _Without You_, by Usher.

_Without you woooh _

_you, you, you_

_Without you_

_Can't erase so I'll take the blame_

_But I can't accept that _

_we're estranged _

_without you, without you_

Sobbing harder than ever, Kurt didn't hear his door open. His father was there, and he came in the room. He looked like he had been crying too. Kurt lifted himself up, to put his arms around his father. Burt was his whole world. He loved his father more than anything. They'd already been through so much together. "Dad, that car came out of nowhere..." He said, his voice weak. He needed something to get him through this. He just wasn't sure what.

Burt wanted to take the pain away, he just didn't know how. "I know, son, I know." He said, running his hand along Kurt's back. "I just, you aren't eating or leaving your room. Blaine would not want you to give up, Kurt."

Kurt knew this. He buried his head in Burt's chest. He felt a little like he was a little kid again. He hardly knew what to do now, and when he was a little kid, he had assumed his dad would know. Then he grew up and realized that his dad was just a person and not a superhero. "Dad. How am I supposed to go on without Blaine? I mean, I love him so much. I didn't think that I was going to have to go on without him."

That was something Burt didn't know how to answer. He didn't know how he had gone on after his wife had died. He knew it wasn't really living, and that's all he knew for sure. "You can, Kurt. You have to find some way. You'll never forget Blaine, but you can't just stop living your life." Burt didn't want to see Kurt stop living.

Kurt nodded. He knew this. He didn't want to stop living, he just wanted to stop time and go back and save Blaine. He cried against Burt's shirt. He would do _anything_ to go back and save Blaine. "I just want things the way they were..." He sniffled, lifting his hand to wipe at his face.

"That would be nice, wouldn't it? But Kurt, we can't spend our lives wishing for what was. You have to keep going, you can't get stuck in the past." Burt said, rubbing Kurt's back.

If only it was that simple. Kurt didn't want to rush his grief, and do it on someone else's time table. "I just want to get over Blaine being gone my way. I know I have to keep living, and I know I have to live in the now. Just, I have to do it on my terms." Kurt lifted his head so he could look at his father. "Just, please, can I be alone now?" He wanted to just wallow in his pain.

Burt sighed and nodded, getting up. "Just eat sometime today, OK?" He asked, as he left the room.

Kurt turned his song back on, and buried himself in his bed and pillows.

_I won't soar I won't climb_

_if you're not here I'm paralyzed _

_Without you_

_wooh _

_you, you, you_

_Without you_

Then it was time for the viewing. Kurt did not make it through that day very well. The funeral was even worse. He sat between Finn and Rachel. They both had an arm around him. Blaine's dad had insisted that Kurt not be allowed to speak if he was going to come, and they'd had to keep Burt from going off on him. Kurt didn't care because he knew he wasn't going to be able to get through anything he tried to say.

When they went to the cemetary though, he had had enough. They hadn't said a word about Blaine being gay, and Kurt was too angry to hold it in anymore. "Blaine was not what you wanted him to be, but he was the best thing that ever happened to me!" He cried, as soon as Blaine had been interred. "He was the most amazing person I ever had the pleasure of knowing. He changed my life so much, and you are not honoring him if you are trying to pretend he was not gay." Kurt's face was full of tears, and everyone was afraid to stop him.

"He loved me. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but he loved me. I have never had anyone love me the way Blaine did. He cared about me, and was not afraid to show it. He was so giving, and wanted to see the good in everyone. He was _so_ amazing. You didn't even try to know the person that he really was. You just wanted him to be what you wanted." He was losing steam now.

He let Finn pull him away, and he stopped walking then and fell to his knees on the grass, not even caring if it got his clothes dirty. Kurt wiped his face, not regretting that at all. It had needed to be said.

When they got home, Kurt let himself into his room and collapsed on his bed. He buried his face in his pillow. He had hated having to watch Blaine interred, it had been just as horrible as seeing his mother put in the ground too.

"You have to be OK." A voice that Kurt recognized said.

Kurt lifted up his head. How was this possible? He looked at Blaine. He was completely see through. He could not believe this. "Blaine, what... _how_ are you here?" he asked, putting his hands to his face.

Blaine smiled at him. "Kurt, you don't have to worry about why or how I'm here. I just had to come and say goodbye to you. I wanted to make sure you were going to be alright." His hazel eyes were very wide.

Kurt wiped at his face, not wanting to take his eyes off Blaine. He didn't know how long he was going to be here. "Blaine, I love you. I miss you so much."

Smiling at him, Blaine lifted his hand out to touch Kurt's face. It went right through him. "I love you, too, baby. I can't stay long. They told me I could come and say bye but then I have to go." He hated to leave Kurt _again_, but he knew this would be better than when he'd died. "I just, I wanted to erase the memory of the hospital as best I could."

Kurt's arms desperately wanted to go around Blaine. He was hurting but he was glad Blaine had done this. "I am going to miss you so much, baby." He said, his eyes were full of tears.

Wishing he could change things, Blaine nodded. "I need you to do me a favor. I want you to stay alive no matter what, OK? And one day you will want to move on. That's OK. You can. I won't see it as a betrayal. I don't want you to put your life on hold because I'm gone, OK?"

Sobbing quietly, Kurt didn't want to agree, but he knew that it was best to agree. And he figured Blaine was most likely right. He knew he had to consider the possibility that he would one day want to move on. "I don't want to move on." He stuttered, to stall for a time. He'd get to see Blaine longer this way.

Blaine reached out again. "I know, sweetheart but you will. You don't have to promise me now. But I know you will and it's fine. And you have to stay alive. I will not be able to move on if I'm worried about you. Please, Kurt, you know how this works. You have to be comfortable so I can be. Please, Kurt. I have to go and I need to know you'll be OK."

Sighing, Kurt wiped his face again. "OK, I promise, I will do my best to be OK."

Pressing his lips briefly to Kurt's, Blaine said, "I have to go. But I love you, forever and always." He hated to go, but he knew he must. He touched Kurt's cheek one more time and then floated away.

Falling back on the bed, Kurt hit his Usher song again. He wiped his face. He definitely felt like he could grieve now. He sighed and turned to look at the picture of Blaine he kept by his bed. "I will always love you, Blaine." Then he curled up in a ball and closed his eyes, just wanting to go to sleep. He would _always_ miss Blaine.

_I am lost, I am vain _

_I will never be the same _

_without you, without you _

_Without you_

_**Author's note: So, if anyone made it through, I am sorry! I know it's sad. I just saw the video and was inspired. Review if you want! Yes, I know they would not have told Kurt about Blaine passing on but just bear with me, it's just supposed to be a oneshot and I wasn't trying to drag it out. **_


End file.
